AFTER ALL, I AM NOT A SERVICE PROVIDER

It was around 7:45pm that day. Darkness had already enveloped everywhere. The compound was silent except for the chirping of crickets and the rev of generator engines nearby. I lay on a couch glancing through an old newspaper, sinking in the numerous negative stories that have engulfed the country especially the political arena for some times now. My bother-in-law-to-be who came to spend some times with me as a result of the on-going ASUU strike had turned around to pick his phone that can be controversially argued as making noise instead of ringing. The phone, a Chinese product that has seen more than better days itself had apparently interrupted my indoor repose as its vibration left the whole room quivering.

Just after their lousy and non-ignorable exchange of banters, I overheard him respond to the person on the other side (obviously a lady) about using a Blackberry phone. He repeated the same word as if trying to assure her of his words. Then there was a shout of vociferous hailing from the other side. Presuming that the lady asked to know the Blackberry model, he responded by saying Bold 4 (my next door neighbour’s phone model). At that moment, the University fresher started smiling, trying to show hypocritical humility as he acknowledged encomium from the caller.

I was just about ignoring him and resuming to my article when suddenly, I noticed a change in his composure. He struggled to maintain the momentum, but couldn’t and consequently terminated the call. Still struggling to regain poise, he without my enquiry, narrated to me what had transpired. The lady had called to ask if he now use a Blackberry, to which he responded in the affirmative. She had thereafter asked him to give her his Personal Identification Number (PIN) so she can add him. Not knowing what to say, he terminated the call. He was still ruminating over what fib to concoct when a message dropped on the screen-cracked phone; it was the lady’s PIN. No sooner had he read it than she called to confirm the receipt. Again their conversation distracted me and it went thus:

My in-law: Yea, sorry, could not hear you again the other time.

Caller: Alright, I thought as much. Have you seen the PIN I sent to you?

My in-law: Yea, I got it now.

Caller: I will be expecting your request then in few minutes.

My in-law: Ok, but uhmmm…I may not be able to send it presently. Er…, I’m yet to renew my Blackberry subscription.

Caller: Ah-ha, guy why you dey fall my hand now. You get BB, u no get money subscribe, See Big boy o. (meaning you just disappointed me, you have a BB with no money to subscribe).

My in-law: Really, no be like that (it’s not like that), I’m just a bit financially handicapped for now. But I won’t mind if you can subscribe for me o.

Caller: Ah! Me sef, na person send me card now, I no get money o (Even me, someone actually assisted me to subscribe, I don’t have money o).

My in-law: Alright then, no problem.

Caller: Just send me the request or your PIN as soon as you subscribe, ok?

My in-law: Alright, I will, thanks.

At that juncture, my in-law concluded the conversation and quickly pressed the supposed red button (one that has actually faded away) before the lady could say something further.

Just as I continued to stare at him following the self-inflicted slipup, I also recalled that sometimes ago, I received a similar call from a good friend with whom I lost contact for some years back. After the usual exchange of pleasantries, she requested that I send her my Blackberry PIN so she could add me. Not that there was something wrong with the request, but the way she put it smacked of an assumption she was sure I use a Blackberry phone. After telling her I don’t have one, from her response, I realized my confession took her aback and the realization that that took her aback took me aback as well. For her, it was unheard of that a guy of my age, education, exposure, taste and status is yet to use a Blackberry phone. For me, there was absolutely nothing spectacular in using the phone.

Hers was a call I received two years ago. I have witnessed several similar instances after, with even more startling reactions, especially as a part of the world and Nigeria in particular continue to witness the proliferation of the phone, most especially, in the fairly use market.

Technology has brought so much benefit that has with time, trickled down the social ladder, such that those living below the salt have also had a fair share of it. It then matters not that we go fashion gaga about what is already sinking into oblivion in the advanced nations. To us, what seem to matter is that we have resigned to fate; we may not be part of the world that enjoys innovation as it births, but we delight in every bit of it once that opportunity eventually comes our way.

Just as it’s been in time past, today’s use of smart phones such as the BB is attracting unusual attention on the Nigerian soil. But worthy of note is the fact that it’s more of a status symbol than the service it offers. A good percent of those who use it do not necessarily like or need it, but do so to remain relevant in the fashion world. The working class is willing to splash his earning on a BB, then trek far distance all month to the office and back home, while the student will not only fabricate lies to collect more money at home from parents, but forgo important academic requirements to purchase a BB.

I marveled at the sight of a so-called Big-girl at a former apartment who uses a BB Torch model, after she was caught to have pilfered and sold a friend’s Curve 2. “I’m sorry,’” she pleaded, “I only needed some more cash to be able to buy a Bold 5.” There was a popular but ridiculous joke about a lady who told a friend she already bought a BB but was yet to secure a PIN. Do you think the lady laughed at her friend’s stupidity? Of course not, she only encouraged her to buy a unique number like the one her sugar daddy secured for her. What a laughable combination they make!

While some roommates have been discovered to lay claim to the same BB PIN, many others are found owning different models, but running after someone to help them subscribe for internet service on them. A joke says a lady mistakenly stepped on her BB Q 10 and heard a crack. She closed her eyes and silently prayed it was her leg that broke and not the phone. No wonder, a movie was shot in Nigeria titled ‘Blackbery Babes,’ to underscore the fashion craze attached to its use.

According to researchers, of the millions of smart phones in Nigeria, “half of them are Blackberries. This puts Research in Motion (RIM), makers of the BB as the holders of the lion share of the smartphone market.” I refer to a phone that has lost its global market share even in North America where it was conceived, but has now found succor in few nations like South Africa, Indonesia and Nigeria. Not that it has offered what is yet to be offered. Its espousal is more a matter of mania. It now represents a status symbol and a young man who admires a lady had better not walk up to her if he’s got no BB PIN to give (even if it’s his friend’s), else he gets a snub of his life.

Be registered on other social network for all they care, if you’ve got no phone with the ‘double B’, you are not of the happening class. 2go, Badoo, Facebook chat, Yahoo or Google messenger and the fast growing WhatsApp all play similar role to that of the Blackberry Messenger (BBM), but are surprisingly not the in-thing yet. As a matter of fact, one would have expected an online chat tool as WhatsApp to be exceedingly embraced in that it works on various mobile communication gadgets with internet service, yet it’s not as esteemed as the BBM. With the imminent introduction of BBM on Google Android and Apple iOS, it remains sceptical whether these smart phones will be able to subdue the BB syndrome eventually.

The satirical irony of it is that great chunk of the ‘BB freak’ are far from putting the phone to optimum use. Aside visiting Facebook, sending Broadcast messages, as well as using the BBM to chat and flaunt a flurry of Display Pictures (DP), many have never ventured to make use of other myriads of services it offers. It thus amounts to a great loss of Internet subscription; one the proud owner is preposterously ignorant of.

Be it as it may, indisputable is the fact that the ‘Curves’, the ‘Torchs’ and the ‘Bolds’ have not only made an in-road into the Nigeria technological market, BB has established itself as a tool for making trendy statement of the moment.

I however just hope that a reader who enjoyed reading this won’t pass a complimentary remark and then ask me to send my BB PIN; that a colleague won’t reel up and down the office corridor fuming over a missing USB cord; that a Broadcast message won’t necessitate apprehension or discord; that a Display Picture won’t be stolen and mischievously used; that my BB user-neighbours won’t come tonight again and fight over sockets when I put on the generator; that the intermittent beeping of their phones at midnight won’t interrupt my sleep today and above all, that a lady-friend or younger lad won’t call to inform me that his/her BIS has expired. After all, I am not a service provider.